What is the animal saying?

[ExFmem]

(Here's another turtle story...pretend the turtle is delivering the punchline )
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One day a lion wakes up in a bad mood and summons the other animals in the jungle.

"I want each of you to tell a joke, but I warn you that if anyone of you fails to laugh, I'll kill the one who told it. Let's see, monkey, you will be first."

Shaking with fear the monkey begins, "Two men are in the street and..."

When he finishes, everyone bursts out laughing save the tortoise. "The tortoise didn't laugh!" roars the lion, pouncing on the monkey and ripping him to pieces. Then he orders, "Elephant, you're next."

Cursing through clenched teeth, the elephant begins, "A drunk walks into a bar and..."

When he finishes, all the animals split their sides laughing except the tortoise, who remains impassive. "The tortoise didn't think it was funny!" exclaimed the lion who, seeing that the furious elephant is about to step on the tortoise, kills the elephant with his claws.

By now, everyone wants to murder the tortoise, but nobody dares move. "Now it's your turn, tiger," orders the lion.

The scared tiger begins, "They say that Little Red Riding Hood..."

At that moment, the tortoise falls over laughing. "What's with you?" bellows the lion. "Tiger hasn't finished yet..."

To which the tortoise replies, "The monkey's joke is hilarious!"

[Dewi]

[Amoli]

shame - poor monkey.

[Flutterby]

[General Gump]

very funny

[Mel]

[Richprins]

[Dewi]

"I walks into a bar one day. The bar tender walks over and asks "What'll ya have?"

I order everything on the menu. I eats what I can then sits back and relaxes.

The bar tender hands the bill to me, which is an astronimical amount.

I then pulls out a revolver, and begins to unload every last bullet into the establishment.

The bar tender, more astonished than angry, calmly askes, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"

As I was walking out the door, I said, "I'm a Panda, look it up in the dictionary."

The bar tender pulls out an old dusty dictionary and thumbs through until he reaches "Panda (n): A large mammal that eats shoots and leaves."

[Dewi]

"I walked into another bar later that night and asks the barman for a pint of........









Beer."

"Why the big pause?" He asks.

"Because I'm a Panda." I says."

[Dewi]

"Our keeper let the Baboons into our cage for a party the other night."

"It was Panda-monium I can tell you."